Baptism

“The rain on my car is a baptism. The new me. Ice Man. Power Lloyd.  My assault on the world begins now. Believe in myself. Answer to no one.” – Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything

I currently reside in a stormy place these days.  I set off with 2010 to abide by the ideals born of my own Chinese Zodiac year: The Year of the Tiger.  But, I ignored the idea that traditional years of the tiger bring upon surges of change and challenge.  And, I suppose this can be said of what I have experienced so far in 2010.

The first nine months has been a turbulent one.  A time that I can  recognize as matching many of the routine patterns that define who Mike has been in his 36 years of life so far.  But not all of those patterns are healthy.  One of them in particular has been taking control of my everyday, and I’m finding a new low with that pattern.  I am broken… mentally and physically.  It is beginning to show all too clearly.  I need to take a hold of it, or let it go.  And, I’m finding that the only answer is the latter…. Letting it go.

I’m rewatching Lost season 6 the past week and I find myself mirroring the Jack Shephard hero figure.  The guy that tries to fix everything but fails to do so until he really needs to learn that no one can fix everything.  Not even Superman.  Eventually, Jack rises from the depths by accepting his role in the grand scheme.  That his destiny was not born of fame and glory, but of his own faith of the course of life: That finally the only things that remain important are those who journey with you in life.

Yesterday I celebrated my 3 years of marriage with my lovely wife.  And I allowed myself to take time off and celebrate those 3 years with her.  But I allowed one hour of that day to again give in to the demon, and I brought it upon myself… like I always do. And my wife, God bless her, has been so understanding.  But this is my own demon to deal with and it really cannot take a hold of my happiness.  The time has come to rise up and challenge it.

So here I am now.  Maybe using this blog of chronicles as a method of slaying the demon will guide me along this path.  As Lloyd Dobler in the movie Say Anything says at the start of this post…The rain on this day is a baptism.  A new me.  Power Mike.  This blog is my grey trench coat, my mythological island, my fortress of solitude… those who journey with me, you readers as well, can continue to follow, guide, or walk side by side with me.  My assault on the world begins now.

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